Dear Office Food Pimp

Dear Office Food Pimp,

Damn you. Stop pimping your cookies, brownies and sweets on us at the office. Your desk- so conveniently placed for my passing at every entrance and exit of my office. “Try these”, “Look what I brought today”, “….left over from the weekend” – you say….amazingly on a daily bases it seems.    Holiday season? Forget about it. We should just wear sweatpants with elastic waists to the office between October and January. How do you always have 30 extra cookies. You only have two grand kids, how many did you think they’d eat?       Hell yeah your oatmeal cookies are good….and yes…. oatmeal cookies are better than the regular ones….3% better.

I know deep down in your heart you are trying to pass on the joy and everyone will put on their face and grab a rice krispy but later in the day they are going to resent your thoughtfulness. Later when they step on the scale or when their personal trainer and diet coach bitches at them. Be a role model instead. Try bringing in some fruit salad with greek yogurt to dip the fruit in. You will never hear, “my pants are getting a little loose what ever happened to those iced snowman cookies you used to make by the dozen for your nephew?”. I applaud the generosity but stopping pushing your drugs on us.




Posted in Confessions and tagged , .